I am running for president in 2020 and I need YOUR help!
Well, anyway… So, now that the YANGGANG cringe fest is about dead and we are clown posting in anticipation for Joaquin Phoenix’s portrayal of the Joker in the movie.. uhh.. JOKER, I think its time to lay out my 100% perfect platform to transform America into a glorious, thriving Hyperpower.
It’s quite simple, really. It all starts with the 100% new and original idea that i came up with called FUBI. The Futuristic Universal Basic Income is a plan to curb the onslaught of robot slaves destroying the middle class and give us all a chance to survive the up and coming apocalyptic hellscape that is the near future.
The FUBI (Pronounced Foo-BEE) is a comprehensive plan that starts with one simple idea. Every American Citizen deserves the dignity of life. So, what were going to do is give every citizen fifteen hundred big ones every month. When our robotic Cyborg overlords do away with the fodder called the working man and replace us with mechanical abominations that answer only to the elite, those elite must give that wealth back to the America that made it possible.
“PEP, this isn’t different than that Andrew Yang, goofball, except its 50% more.”
You’re right, it’s more money AND you don’t have to vote for a chinese person. BUT, this is FUTURISTIC Universal Basic Income, so there is more to it.
Common rebuttals to handing out NEET bux to people is that, “Hey, Money will just inflate and then well be back to where we started.”
Yes. This is true… but those old paradigms had a crucial flaw. They didn’t have the FUBI-Zone.
The FUBI-Zone is a fool proof system to control the inevitable death spiral of the USD by creating a Financial system called PEPBUX. PEPBUX are as good as money in the FUBI-Zone. Well, it’s the ONLY money. While in the Zone, your Pepbux work exactly as your regular boring old dollar does. You buy with it, you invest with it, you control it 100% though your PEPCARD, which doubles as your new ID. While in the Zone, you simply get what you need and our high-tech system of RFID and Cameras will automatically handle all transactions.
“Sounds amazing… what’s the catch?” You say, suspiciously.
It only works in the zone, but EVERYTHING within the zone can be purchased with Pepbux. Housing, Food, Guitar lessons, Fortnite skins, Melodramatic boyfriends, concerts, bars, restaurants, mass transit… never again needing to take out your purse or wallet. Just BE YOU!
My administration will open up FUBI-Zones in LA, Chicago and New York, expanding to many of our soon to be great nation’s cities. Begging to get into the FUBI-Zone, but don’t live in one currently? Pepbux will work at Train and Airports where you are, provided that you are coming to start a new life and have a bright future.
So, don’t worry, we got you! From DAY ONE you can start on your life fulfilled, leaving your life of drudgery behind. Just get your Pepcard in the mail and head on down.
Alright, now that all the coolest people are in the zones, it will be the envy of the world. Everyone is going to want to come in, and that’s okay! PEPBUX are plentiful. All those poor immigrants will be able to show up and not be oppressed by evil people so they can become doctors and lawyers. Of course, those evil racist oppressors are going to want to sneak in and commit their crimes, so my administration will put up strategic area denial systems to make sure they are properly checked in.
What they will probably do is try to crash the dollar to destroy the FUBI-Zone prosperity, so PEPBUX will become a separate money system, free from the constrains from the narrow-minded past. I will set up a council that will judiciously monitor the Pepbux supply so no one will tamper with its buying power. That’s our key feature.
The land outside the FUBI-Zone will most likely fall into a desolate wasteland without the hardworking, honest people that escaped into the zone to keep them propped up like they have been doing since the beginning. Then, it’s just a matter of time before that outside world burns down, taking everyone of those useless violent oppressors with it. Until that time, it can’t be permitted that our beautiful citizens leave the zone, not that anyone would need to. There is nothing out there. The Zone is self-sufficient.
Soon, nothing but wide open wilderness will be outside the protected boundaries of the Zone due to rioting and looting for whatever scraps they have left. They will eat each other as the whole land drowns in chaos. It’s a terrible fate, but those oppressors had the chance to make it right with reparations and their immoral walls.
You? You will be on your way to limitless prosperity, because YOU had compassion, because YOU had your fellow man in mind and said, “Yes” to Kindness... Go ahead, pat yourself on the back.
We have a big team of brainy woke egg heads that have literally solved every problem and it all boiled down to the ZONE.
If you would like to donate to my campaign, please feel free to do so by heading over to the “Products” page and buying something there. We have the best Black Goop on the market.
You can go to my Patreon page, if you want. IDK if I want to use them because of their pozzed opinions on free speech. OR you don’t have to give me anything and follow me @veinyfartboner.